it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
