Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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