I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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