I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pooping to opera.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
