Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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