Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
