I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
