Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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