for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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