epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
