Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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