Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
