watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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