Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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