i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
