I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
