I feel like I'm in dance class right now
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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