My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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