P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
