just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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