I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
