i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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