he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
