Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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