Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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