So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
