allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
