"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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