just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
