Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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