She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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