Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my being single is dangerous.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
