I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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