Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
