Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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