I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
