soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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