and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize