he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
