Already got asked if we're dating
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
