Apparently you make a good broom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
