Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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