Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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