i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
