I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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