How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize