Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
