He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
