You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
