But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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