guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
