Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
