We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
