Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize