I CAN MOONWALK!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
