Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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(571): View more from Virginia

i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

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(516): View more from New York

you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.

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(914): View more from New York

How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man

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(214): View more from Texas

Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two

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