If that was your dad, he is hot
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
