When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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