i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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