he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize