So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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