dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
