that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
