Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize